Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
