i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
