you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
