Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
