just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
