Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
