I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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