remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize