just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
