Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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