she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
