1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
