Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
