I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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