She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
