I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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