she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
