I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
