watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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