Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
bring money and cleavage
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize