K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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