its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
