Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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