She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sober January is a disaster.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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