Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
