Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
