who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
