You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
