Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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