I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize