ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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