He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
