fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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