Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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