Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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