I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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