There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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