I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize