Soap is not a condiment
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
