Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pants are for mortals
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
