My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
