I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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