I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
