I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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