I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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