Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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