OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
