Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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