she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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