you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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