you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
