I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
