Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
