I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
