I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
