He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
