So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
