i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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