WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
