I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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