How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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