sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
