so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
