I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
