I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
