theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize