I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
