I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
