I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
