Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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