At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
