Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
