so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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