It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
