i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
