i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize