You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize