I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize