Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
