i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's blow job season.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize