You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
