Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
