Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
