dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
