butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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