I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
