Nicole vs. Life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
