i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
