I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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